On Being Catholic and Infertile

This article concisely and accurately discusses several issues regarding the struggles of infertility and remaining faithful to the beautiful teaching of the Church.

Just thought I'd share.

In Christ Our Hope

Sports Nut

I've come to the realization that I am a sports nut.
Not a fanatic, but certainly a nut.
Especially for a girl.

Certainly my first love was baseball. I have very vivid and happy memories of riding in my Dad's old white work van listening to Herb Carneal and John Gordon. In '91 my older siblings and I all had "homer hankies" and we each picked a player that was "our guy." Mine was Shane Mack. Don't ask me to explain - I'm sure it had something to do with the fact that I was 8, had the third pick, couldn't pronounce Knoblauch, Hrbek or Gagne and Dan Gladden's mullet frightened me.

There is something very nastalgic about listening to a ballgame on the radio, and I still prefere radio over tv or even going to a game - although I do love sitting in the bleachers on a summer day. I'm hoping to add to my stadium tally someday. Currently it's a meager 6: Dome, Target field, Wrigley, Miller Park, Comerica and Rangers Ballpark.
In highscool I started to understand the game more, but it wasn't until college that I realized baseball was a beautiful game - the perfect game. I'll spare you my soliloquay on baseball; sufice it to say it was my first love and is my greatest love. . .
Unless it's football season.

I really like football - a lot.
The scale tips slightly in favor of college, but I certainly look forward to Sunday afternoons during the season. Without a doubt my love of football came about from my highscool years, when my brother played. His senior year the team was really good - made it several rounds in the playoffs - and it was great fun going to the games. Is there anything better than heading out to a highschool or college game on a crisp fall afternoon? Sadly Hillsdale had a miserable team all four years I was there and I gave absolutly no thought to pro football. But after getting married and moving to Texas, football reapeared on my sports radar. If you live in Texas and care anything about sports, football is god. It starts at a young age - small rural highschools have stadiums bigger than a lot of college stadiums! And they sell out every Friday night. Then of course you have the Big 12 - a powerhouse in football, with great rivalries - and finally there are the Cowboys - boo!

Thanks to Texas, my husband and the Pack, there is nothing I prefer more on a Sunday afternoon than a football game.

Unless it's March.

Is there anything more exhilarating than a college basketball game during the tournament? My only contention with college ball is that the tournament falls during Lent. Just when it's possible to watch one great game after another, and another, and another, you enter the season of self-denial and fasting. In many respects it makes finding something to give up for Lent pretty easy - but oh so hard!

In the past there were two sports I detested: pro basketball and hockey. Pro basketball - sloppy, lazy, thug-filled. Enough said. Hockey - just didn't understand the game . . . until 2010 winter olympics. By the time the gold medal game was played I was glued to the TV and talking power plays, penalty shots and shots on goal with Chris. By the time the Stanley cup rolled around, I was a hockey nut.

Recently we were given tickets to a Hawks-Wild game in St. Paul. It was a great game and a really fun outing. I'm pretty sure it's a good thing tickets are expensive, because I'd want to go a lot more often!

Chris and I at "The X"

My team allegiances are a bit odd and mostly have to do with where I was living when my love of the sport developed.

Baseball - Twins and Cubs, Rangers for the fun of it. Can't cheer for - White Sox and Yankees

Football - Packers, Badgers, Nebraska, Notre Dame, anyone playing Texas (OU, OSU, Texas Tech) small schools like TCU and Boise State, and the Bears (for domestic harmony). Can't cheer for - Cowboys, Vikings, Texas, Ohio State.

Basketball - Badgers, Kansas, Coach K. Can't cheer for - Professional basketball.

Hockey - Chicago Hawks.

Upon reflection, and considering I am able to write this lengthy of a post on sports, I'm not sure if "sports nut" is actually accurate. Good thing I gave up sports for Lent!

Pecking Order

A few weeks ago we discovered that one of our hens had been injured. She had a pretty nasty tear across the back of her neck and had clearly been "hen-pecked" since she was cowering in a corner behind the feed bin. Not only do chickens have a clear pecking order, they are also incapable of not pecking at something that is discolored or out of the ordinary. A spot of blood is sure to get pecked. So we brought Henny-Penny inside, cleaned and medicated the wound and made a comfortable pen for her in the warm basement. Within a few days the wound had scabbed over and she was clearly feeling much better - so much better that she prefered roaming through the basement to staying in her nice little pen. Clearly it was time for her return to the coop, but her scab was certainly still too tempting to put her back with the rest of the flock. So we set up the temporary brooder in the coop (portable, small enclosed area with a chicken-wire lid for starting baby chicks) and put Henny in there for the remainder of her convalescence. (Plus, I had read that it was good to keep an injured chicken separated but near the flock so that they remember each other and don't treat her as an outsider when she rejoins them).

All was well for the next several days until the weather warmed and I decided to let the chickens outside for a few hours. The brooder sets up in such a way that the small chicken door is inside the brooder portion. In oder to let the chickens outside without leaving the big door open - and any of you familiar with the history of chickens at the farm are well aware of the bloodshed that has occured due to the big door being left open! - as I was saying, to let the chickens out without the big door being left open I needed to take down a portion of the brooder. Henny was looking so good by then that I decided to try it. I let her out with the flock and kept an eye on her while I removed the brooder wall and opened the small chicken door. The chickens burst out into the warm sun and emediatly started pecking at the few spots of grass peaking from the snowy ground. Henny joined in the activity, seemingly accepted by the hens and delighted to be out of confinement. Although a small voice was telling me that chickens are really cruel, cold pecking machines that would turn on Henny the instant I left, I decided to let things be and check back in an hour or so; afterall, how bad could things get in an hour?

Pretty bad.

When I came back to the coop Henny was inside, swaying back and forth with blood streaming down her neck - the wound gaping and worse than the first time.

The unnecessary suffering of an animal is a hard thing to see. But when it's a result of your own carelessness or lack of better judgment, then it's almost sickening. I just wanted to burst into tears at the sight of this little hen in so much pain! Instead, I rushed her inside (again), washed and medicated her wound (again) and made her as comfortable as I could in the basement (again). The only difference about this repeat of events was that her wound was so much worse and required more clean up. Chris held Henny while I investigated.

It was a terrible thing.

A hefty chunk of skin/scar tissue/feathers was dangling down beside her head. It kept tapping her in the face and she'd shake her head to get it out of her eyes, each time splattering us with blood. Clearly the only thing for it was to remove the flap of skin, so I took my sharpest pair of scissors and cut through thick, soft tissue - UGH!

With the flap of skin gone we could see, that though a painful wound, she was certainly going to make it. We attempted to bandage it, but she was not interested in wearing a bonnet, so we just applied some antibiotic ointment and put her back into the make-shift pen in the basement.
We kept her inside a few days longer than before, until is was clear from the smell that she had to get back outside. Henny is currently residing in the brooder, safely segragated from sharp beaks and on her way to a full recovery.

Henny in her basement abode (for the second time)

UPDATE: Henny has recently been joined by another hen who also has a minor wound on her neck - not requiring any medical attention, but bad enough to need separating. The wound was clearly rooster inflicted. The two hens appear to get along just fine and, as of yet, there has been no bloodshed. However, there have been 4 eggs produced by the invalids.

St. Valentines Day Gift

Our first egg arrived on Valentines Day. Since then we've averaged about 5 eggs per day. The first several eggs a hen lays are small and called pullet eggs (a pullet is a young hen that has not started laying yet). According to Storey's Guide to Raising Chickens, ". . . pullets lay small eggs when they first start out and they lay one egg every three to four days. By the time a hen is 30 weeks old her eggs reach their normal size and she should lay at least two eggs every three days." Our hens are about 23 weeks - so we should have full-sized eggs by early April.

Lovely brown eggs

Large store egg and a pullet egg

Going Gluten Free (and dairy free and on our way to sugar free)

In late June Chris and I met with a holistic practitioner - Dr. Margaret Christensen. Our journey to finding her and these past 6 months of working with her deserve their own post, so I won't go into that now. Suffice it to say she suspected I had a food allergy and, after 2 month-long cleanses, I was tested for gluten intolerance in October, with a positive result. (What I've learned about gluten intolerance, Celiac disease, the research surrounding testing, etc has been so interesting and also deserves it's own post.)


At this point the only way to deal with the intolerance is to eliminate from your diet items that contain gluten (there is research being done on a pill that would allow people with the allergy to ingest gluten without the nasty side affects, but it's not available yet). Gluten is a protein found in certain grains such as wheat, rye, and barley. Eliminating gluten from your diet obviously means no:

Bread
Crackers
Pretzels
Tortillas
Cookies
Cakes
Muffins
Donuts
Bagels
Cereal
Croutons
Pasta
Breaded fish or chicken
Pizza crust
Pie crust
Beer

However, wheat flour and gluten also show up in thousands of other products that you would never suspect such as:

Lunchmeats
Sausages
Hotdogs
Baked beans
Canned soups
Broths
Gravies
Corn tortillas
Potato chips
Oats
Candy
Gum
Cheap brands of chocolate
Chocolate milk
Hot cocoa
Custard
Pudding
Non-dairy creamer
Ice cream
Syrups
Salad dressings
Soy sauce
Flavoring and spice mixes
Malt vinegar
Mustard
Supplements
Toothpaste
Cosmetics

The items in the second lists usually or often contain gluten, but it is possible to get a gluten-free version, it just requires close label reading.

The real difficulty of eliminating gluten from your diet is actually being able to identify it. By law a product must identify "wheat" on it's label; however, other substances containing gluten, like barley, rye and oats and their derivatives are considered "natural foods" and can be listed under a myriad of different names, most of which give no clue that they contain gluten:

Hydrolyzed vegetable protein
Emulsifiers
Bran
Malt
Malt flavoring
Modified food starch
Monosodium Glutimate (MSG)
"Natural" flavor
Brewers yeast
Fillers
Thickeners
Stabilizers
Binders
Textured vegetable protein

Combine those three lists and you're left with a very small amount of processed, prepared, or prepackaged foods to choose from. Which, in one sense makes going gluten-free a blessing, since it eliminates food that probably isn't very healthy anyway and makes it pretty necessary to move to a whole food diet (e.g. Nourishing Traditions and Weston Price). But it does leave one longing for a simple piece of bread!

Thankfully, as more people have identified their symptoms as being gluten related and gluten intolerance awareness increases, the number and availability of gluten free products has also increased. It is now possible to get gluten-free crackers, chips, pizza crust and even bread and bread mixes from the average grocery store! And the availability of alternative flours has made gluten free baking quite simple.

Gluten free baking is certainly more involved than normal baking, but not too much more. Instead of the simple all-purpose flour, the gluten-free baker needs 3 or 4 different flours and additives. Once you've stocked your pantry with these items and have a reliable cookbook you can produce delicious, delectable dainties to rival any gluten filled bakery!


As the title of this post says, I am also going dairy free and attempting to go sugar free (or will be attempting after the holidays). In brief, the reason for going dairy free is that the protein in dairy (casin) is structurally similar to gluten and often, especially right at first when the body is attempting to heal from years of exposure to an allergen, the milk protein can be just as hard on the body. The reasons for going sugar free are many, but mainly have to do with allowing my body (i.e. GI tract) the chance to return to a healthy balance. (Here is Dr. Christensen's quick overview of GI health)

In an attempt to continue baking with these narrow parameters I recently purchased The Allergen-Free Bakers Handbook and Sugar Free Gluten Free Baking and Desserts. Together they provide a great resource for our kitchen. I am still learning the ropes of sugar substitutes (all natural substitutes, mind you, like agave nectar and stevia), but it's coming. For now I am learning about wheat flour substitutes and finding myself so thankful that they exist! The results of a gluten, dairy and (mostly) sugar free diet have been nothing but good, and in some cases seemly miraculous after years of living with the symptoms. More on that later.

Cheers

St. Andrew Christmas Novena

Hail and blessed be the hour and moment

in which the Son of God was born of the most pure Virgin Mary,

at midnight, in Bethlehem, in piercing cold.

In that hour, vouchsafe, O my God,

to hear my prayer and grant my desires,

through the merits of our Savior Jesus Christ,

and of His Blessed Mother. Amen

Our good friends Andy and Amanda Wegryzn gave me a St. Andrew Chaplet for my birthday. I have never actually consistently prayed a novena, since they always seemed to me to lean towards "bargaining" - "if you do this then God will do this" sort of thing. But, like I learned with the Rosary, a novena can be a beautiful way of offering our prayer and focusing our hearts on God. Elizabeth Foss comments on this particular novena here and expresses beautifully how a novena turns our eyes from ourselves to Christ.
Christmastime has been very hard for me the past few years. I feel the emptiness of our home and the barrenness of my womb more acutely during the holidays. After all, what we celebrate is a birth - a conception, 9 months of waiting, gestation, and finally, the arrival of a long awaited child . . . A long awaited child.
This year it was a bit easier. I was reminded every time I fingered the little beads that the Word was made flesh and dwelt among us. The baby we welcome is the Prince of Peace, Emmanuel, God with us. Who can comprehend such Love? Hail and blessed be that moment - the moment in which the Son of God emptied himself (not considering equality with God something to be grasped) and came in the form of a helpless babe to save and redeem us from the curse.
It was also easier because every day, for a few minutes, I offered up a prayer, a cry of utter dependence, like a child. It's one thing to cry out in occasional moments of pain or desperation; it's another thing to lift one's voice every day, consistently, obediently, realizing one has nothing to bring - no bargaining power whatsoever - just a cry of dependence. "Through the merits of Our Savior, Jesus Christ, and of his Blessed Mother." It helps dispose the heart towards trust and a simpler faith. Also, St. Andrew is the patron of those trying to conceive. It was a comfort asking him daily to intercede on our behalf.

Thanks for the gift Andy and Amanda!

It's been a while

I know . . . it's been a long time since the last post. I've thought about posting quite a bit - but in the blogging world the thought really doesn't count. It's possible that the thought may get transcribed into an actual post one of these days, but for now I just wanted to share someone else's post and comments.

Catching Up

I've been away from the blog for a while, but, at the request of a few near and dear, I figured I'd revisit it.

SEEING:

The University of Dallas campus is in full bloom these days. The weather has been up and down - very inconsistent - but seems to have settled in the mid 70s with sunshine for now. It's beautiful.

DOING:

Mom and Dad came for a visit the last 2 weeks of February. They spent a week with us then drove down to Corpus Christi with some friends, then back up to Dallas for a weekend and finally drove home to WI. There was lots of chatting, eating, drinking of various brewed beverages and some nice walks. We took them to see the local wildlife and the imported wildlife and visited a few of our favorite restaurants. I think I can safely say it was a very enjoyable and refreshing for all parties.

The weekend after they left Chris and I flew into St. Louis to visit (best man) Andy Wegrzyn and his fiance Amanda. Also a very enjoyable and refreshing trip. It is hard to accurately describe the feeling of gradually leaving the city behind and slowly entering the peace of the country unless you've actually done it yourself - carefully noting the thinning of suburbia, the increase in groves of trees, larger and larger open fields, the flitting by of little country towns and finally settling in at a farmhouse, nestled in the hollow of a pasture. The air was cool and clean and fresh, the sun was warm (except for the few hours on Sunday when a tornado blew through) and the company most excellent. Needless to say, it was very rejuvenating simply to be there. We went on a tour of the Crane farm, which included a visit to the "shop" where the mammoth tractors and combines resided and a drive through 2000+ acres of corn and soybeans, with a stop by Amanda's Great Grandparents first farmstead. We also got to go shooting! Shot guns and clay pigeons followed by target practice with handguns. It was surprisingly very fun! as well as little amusing and delightful to see Chris shooting - perhaps because shooting is such a "country" thing to do, and Chris is not exactly "country". But, regardless of being country or not, he done me proud, knocking down 2 pigeons in one pull! He was certainly a better shot than I.

Home now for 3 weeks and then off again for back-to-back wedding weekends - Up to MSP for Jared and Trish's wedding and then a weekend road trip to Omaha NE for a "Hillsdale" wedding.

Also doing:

The Taxes - which I secretly enjoy!

Frisbee in the afternoon with Chris

Dinner with friends

The card game Golf - also with Chris

Mass at 5:00 every evening during the week

Needless to say, work from 6am to 3pm M-F

Watching some basketball and listening to some Cubs spring training games - mostly on the weekends.

and a few nice walks

READING:

Just finished David Copperfield. I joined a Dickens book club about 1 1/2 months ago. David Copperfield was the first book and now we are taking a little break over lent. Not sure what I'm going to start next. I've been picking and choosing my way through "God in the Dock" by Lewis to hold me over until I get going on something new.

I've also been reading 3 books on raising sheep - though only on Sundays because I gave it up for Lent ("why" you might ask did I give it up for Lent? A just question, answered below).

LISTENING:

The 2 Disc set Essential Bach, Vivaldi and, when called for, Michael Buble (Again, one may ask "when is Buble called for?" Answer = 9:30 pm doing a stack of dishes - Note 9:30 is my bed time)

OFFERING FOR LENT: 

Tea. Every morning I come into work, sit down at my desk and want a warm cup of tea. And every morning I say no to this little pleasure in the practice of submitting my desire. Practice, because in daily life, with more significant things, we are asked to submit our will, to the good and perfect will of God.  

Farm books. I have a stack of library books on various farming issues (mostly sheep at this point) sitting next to the couch which I am only reading as a treat on Sundays.  The reason I've given them up for Lent is to practice patients and trust.  My natural tendency is to forage ahead down the path of whatever has taken my fancy, making plans and counting on it coming about. But, becoming farmers is not my choice alone and I need to practice both patients - to give Chris the space and time he needs to process and make a decision - and trust - believing that God will direct our future.  Before I get us fitted out as shepherds, complete with crook and watch dog, I'd better be certain these other two so intimately connected with my life are headed/leading in the same direction.   

ENJOYING:

The warm sun

Little birds in the tree outside our patio door

Being Debt Free! (we paid off the last of our student loans at the end of February and are currently 100% debt free!)

My husbands blog

The flowers on campus

Talking walks during my lunch break

Baking bread and making Pizza with my stone and peel

LOOKING FORWARD TO:

The pool being open

Seeing family at the end of this month

March Madness

Driving across Michigan with Betsy

Opening day of Baseball season

Going to a lecture on Dante tomorrow night

Spending the evening with Chris

Being pregnant 

On that last note - yes, we are still waiting.  It's something that is constantly on my mind - a day doesn't pass that I don't think about it - some harder than others.  It requires a lot of patience too.  We saw an Infertility specialist about a month ago and have started a course of action, but it will take some time.  Still waiting; still praying; still looking forward to it.

Cheers!

The First of a Few

(Note:  I began writing the following few posts well before the election and I had intended them to be up before now.  But, even though late, I still think they are relevant)

 

The following few posts have been on my mind for a couple of few weeks and is a result of this article and training at the White Rose Women's Center.

 

 

 

I

 

Imaginary Question Posed to one of my coworkers: If Adolf Hitler was running in this election and he had the key to all the social and financial problems, would you vote for him?

"No"

"Why not?"

"Because, the guy was crazy.  He killed so many innocent people."

"Well, I know he killed people.  But what if he REALLY has the answers - not just a great plan that may work, but the actual answers. He will fix the whole issue with the market, he'll finish the war in Iraq, he'll significantly reduce poverty, he'll reduce crime, he'll make our schools better, he'll make sure everyone has health insurance, he'll ensure a comfortable retirement for all - in short, he'll will bring peace and give the American Dream to all. What do you say?"

"Well. . . I don't know.  I guess still no.  He killed so many people!  And if you made him president he would have the power to do a lot more killing if he wanted to."

"But just think.  All the people he didn't kill would be living the dream.  No more poverty!  No more people going with out healthcare!  No more homeless or hungry.  No more illiterate or people not getting into college because they can't afford it.  No more worrying about retirement.  It'd be amazing!"

"That does sound pretty good."

"But, I forgot to mention, he has stated he will still have one concentration camp in the country - only for "research purposes" though.  A random sampling of the American populous will go to the camp:  Every 7th Jew, 10th Hispanic, 20th African American, 80th Native American, every 103rd High School drop out, every 142nd woman with brown hair and blue eyes, and every 275th man that is 6'3'' in the US will be sent to the camp. Would you vote for him?"

"No way!  Dude!  If you had told me that to begin with!  Of course I'm not going to vote for him."

"Why not?"

"Because, you can't just randomly kill people! That's absurd! I don't care if he can totally fix the economy and give most people the American dream; killing people is killing people and not worth it!"

"Hmmm. Ok, fair enough. So, I guess you could say that some things are more important than others.  Like, not randomly killing people is more important than fixing the economy and making life comfortable for people. Or, to put it another way, human life is more important than economics."

"Well, yeah, I guess so. At least in that case. It's just not fair to randomly kill people, even if it means a better life for others."

 

-------------------

 

I've never heard any relativistic rot used when talking about Hitler.  "Well now, let's not judge.  Hitler had his views and we have ours.  We shouldn't force our views on him.  If he thinks Jews are sub-human and wants to kill them and use them for experiments, who are we to say he is wrong? Besides, we shouldn't force him to live with thousands of Jews (or Catholics or gypsies) if he doesn't want to.  That would probably make his life difficult.  And it would be imposing our views on him.  He has his rights you know."  

Absurd.  

Only the most blind and truly demented people could argue this way.

(If you haven't already, read the article I linked to above.  The author makes a similar point between slavery and abortion - which leads me to my next post.)

One Quick Take

The Gospel reading from yesterday:

Jesus said to his disciples: “Suppose one of you has a friend to whom he goes at midnight and says, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread, for a friend of mine has arrived at my house from a journey and I have nothing to offer him,’ and he says in reply from within, ‘Do not bother me; the door has already been locked and my children and I are already in bed. I cannot get up to give you anything.’ I tell you, if he does not get up to give him the loaves because of their friendship, he will get up to give him whatever he needs because of his persistence. “And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. What father among you would hand his son a snake when he asks for a fish?Or hand him a scorpion when he asks for an egg? If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him?”

Two things struck me as I listened to this. The first was my shock in hearing the last sentence - "how much more will the Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him?" Why does Jesus throw this in there? He's just been saying that those who ask and seek diligently will receive. But then, like the turn at the end of a sonnet, he adds "you will receive the Holy Spirit." "But," one might say, "I wasn't asking for the Holy Spirit. I was asking for x." Father Tony explained that God does give good gifts to us - it just may not be exactly what we were asking for. And for those who are earnestly seeking, He will give the gift of the Holy Spirit to discern (or at least accept) the gift that Got is giving. The gift that is the Holy spirit is the gift of discernment, understanding, peace, gratitude.

The second thing I realized was that our current state of infertility is not a snake; it's a fish. I need eyes to see and a heart to understand - but the REALITY and TRUTH is that our not being able to conceive is a good gift from God.

(The thought of God handing me a fish makes me laugh. "Here you go - have a fish." "A fish? I didn't ask for a fish, I asked for a baby." "Yes, I know you asked for a baby, but I am giving you a fish." "hmmm, OK. A fish. Thanks. What do I do with a fish?" - I guess I'll have to figure it out :)

Quick Takes

I have this view of my blog that each and every post must be long and say something profound - therefore I don't post. So I'm taking my cue from Conversion Diary and offering short snippets:

--1--

Since I just introduced it, I'll start with the Conversion Diary blog. It is a new favorite. She is a fantastic writer and her conversion story is amazing. I would highly recommend taking some time to read through her story. Chris and I were commenting the other day on how powerful other peoples conversion stories were for us when we were considering converting and how we still so enjoy hearing them. It is so wonderful hearing how God calls other people to Himself.

--2--

I've been reading "Covenanted Happiness" by Cormac Burke. I'm not quite sure how to describe it except - AMAZING!!! It has radically changed my view and understanding of marriage and the family. It is seriously counter cultural. . . well, to clarify, the teachings of the Catholic Church are seriously counter cultural on these issues, and all Burke does is flesh out the teachings. As I read I keep thinking "I need to post on this! I want to share this with other people" but then I realize I probably would need to write a paper on it - or maybe a book - and then I realize other people have written on it much better than I ever could. But, since most of you aren't going to read through a stack of books on the topic, maybe I'll still do the post (or a series of them)

Here is the table of contents for the book - I'm only through chapter 9. The book is actually a compilation of a few different articles/presentations/essays by Burke, reorganized and edited to make a complete book. There are some chapters that cover the same or similar topics and the chapters don't always seem to be in the most logical of orders. It certainly isn't a book that needs to be read cover to cover.

The introduction and chapter 1 are a great overview of sexuality - or maleness and femaleness, "male and female He created them." (Anyone who doesn't think there is a difference between the sexes, try these sections on for size)

Chapter 2, Conjugal Love and Indissolubility, discusses why a life-long commitment to one spouse is a good thing - and increases happiness. Burke contrasts two views of man. "Secular anthropology" is based on an individualistic view of man and believes the "key to human fulfillment [is the] self: self-identification, self-assertion, self-concern..." "Individualism fosters a fundamentally self-centered approach to marriage, seeking to get from it rather than being prepared to give in it: will this - this union, this liaison, this arrangement - make me happy?" In contrast to this view, Burke offers the anthropology of personalism. "The essence of true personalism is expressed in Gaudium et Spes, no. 24: "man can fully discover his true self only in a sincere giving of himself". We can only "realize" or fulfil our self, by giving our self. . . Marriage represents the most concrete natural type of self-giving for which man and woman are made." Good stuff!

Chapter 3 is a more of an overview of marriage and family. Chapters 2 and 3 would be a GREAT reading assignment for a pre marriage class or newlyweds :)

Chapters 4 and 7 discuss children, the lack of children and contraception in marriage. WOW! Amazing! Chapter 7 is pretty philosophical and I had a hard time following all of it, but chapter 4 is great. The main point: Children are a great good in marriage - in fact, they are one of THE GOODS in marriage and should not be seen as "optional." They should be seen as one of the very good results of marriage and essential to the happiness of the spouses and family as a whole. With that said, the decision not to have children should be seen as a privation and and an exception. Having children is the norm of marriage (one of it's natural and very good ends) and only the gravest of reasons should keep a couple from pursuing/accepting the good that is children. (Did I mention counter cultural and changing my view! WOW)

Chapters 5 and 6 on divorce are fantastic. I found chapter 5 to be very powerful and another great read for a pre-marriage class (or for anyone who feels like their marriage is heading down hill or who has a friend who is considering divorce.)

Chapter 8 reiterates a lot of what is in chapter 4 and focuses on how we as a culture do not value children. Here is a long-ish quote from the chapter:

In seminars, when this matter comes up, I have at time asked my students to consider a small matter of comparative analysis. It goes something like this:

Family A: 2 Children 2 Cars 2 TVs 2 DVD The best Schools Holidays Abroad

Family B: 5 Children 1 Car 1 TV 0 DVD Second-rate Schools No Holidays Abroad

After putting this on the board, my first question to the students is: Which family has the higher standard of living? They all answer: Family A, of course. So I repeat the question: Which family has the higher standard of living? There may be the slightest hesitation, but they repeat the same answer. So I repeat the same question again, and a third, and perhaps a fourth time. Perplexity sets in, hesitations grow, until in the end someone "concedes": "well, of course, if you start considering children as part of your standard of life..."
"If you start"... It is indeed time that we started putting children down on the assets side, and not on the liabilities. On both, you say? OK; on both: like your motor car. A car is an asset and a liability. It costs money and effort and attention to acquire and to maintain: just as a child does. Your choice should begin by considering which is worth more, because to choose the other is to lower one's own standard of living [8].
"Which will give me more satisfaction?" is no doubt a utili­tarian rather than an idealistic viewpoint. Yet, even if a person wishes to apply that view to our subject, he or she would do well to consider the money and time and effort that people nowadays put into golf or computers or creative gardening, working at them, reading all about them, in search of a satisfaction they do not always get.
How come they do not think parenthood worth working at? How is it they do not study books (there are plenty available) on how to enjoy caring for one's children, on the satisfactions of being a parent? And how is it (our horizons broaden again) they do not sense the call of an utterly unique creativity, the adventure of being co-creators?

In Kenya some years ago, an African who had learned that the Western fertility rate averaged about 1.2, remarked to me: "Western couples must be very poor if they can't afford to have more than two children..." He was not a qualified "expert" in the Western sense; yet his words may be worth pondering. They could be complemented with another bit of "non-expert" wisdom, this time from the West itself. Some time back in England, I knew a recently married couple, a normal couple who wanted children. One child was born; but then there was an unwanted delay of three or four years. At last the mother became expectant again. Their first-born too was filled with expec­tations. But - a miscarriage occurred. The father had to tell the child he was not going to have that little brother or sister he wanted. "Look; Mom's not going to have that baby after all"; and, bowing before God's inscrutable ways, he added, "it's better that way..." The kid however didn't bow so easily: "But, Daddy, is there anything better than a baby?..." [7]. Computerized programs never anticipate the things that children come up with. The wisdom of children is part of the bonum prolis.

Chapter 9 is actually instruction and encouragement about educating and rearing children with strong moral values and with a well formed conscience.

(That got longer than I intended, but hopefully it whetted some appetites :)

--3--

On Tuesday after work I stopped by a local crisis pregnancy center to see about volunteering. White Rose Women's Center is located 5 minutes from my work and right next door to an abortion clinic. It is the only Catholic pregnancy center in the Dallas area and has a chapel, with the Blessed Sacrament, overlooking the entrance to the abortion clinic. Pretty neat. The visit was really a "this is what we do" introduction and actual training will begin next Tuesday. Besides offering free pregnancy testing, sonograms and counseling, the White Rose also has a large donation center of both new and used baby/child care items. The center puts together a "gift bag" for each of their clients full of the basics for a new mom as well as offers other items for those in need - like cribs, strollers etc. Their main targets are women considering abortions. The lady that gave the tour, Gerri, has been working at the center for 10+ years and is the main "on the floor" worker. From my initial 45 minutes with her she seems like an amazing woman.

--4--

Chris and I are hoping to spend a "fall day out" in a few weekends. This is our potential destination - old time Texas town!

Well, that's all I've got for now.

Spectacular women

I know a few. But 2 stand out in my mind at the moment.
My mom and sister.
Both just celebrated a birthday at the end of August and I thought I'd celebrate them on my blog!

Selfless and Self-giving: Maybe this is splitting hairs, but I'd like to venture a distinction. Selflessness is sacrificing or setting aside one's own interests, often for others or a greater cause. Self-giving is not just setting aside personal interests but actually pouring out the Self. It's what Christ did for us, and it's what we are called to as followers of Christ. And my Mom and Sister are some of the best examples of this that I know.

My Mom is an amazing women. Most of you who know her figured this out soon after meeting her. But I'd like to take a moment to laud my sister. When I step back from interacting and thinking of Missy as "my sister" and consider who she is and what she does, I am astounded. She has become a most amazing woman - like my Mom. A caring, self-giving, nurturing mother and wife. A smart, creative, fun-loving teacher. A prudent, frugal, tasteful, diligent homemaker. And a dear friend. (The apple didn't fall far from the tree).
I think my mom did and Missy is doing some of the most important, worthwhile, hardest and often times thankless work that can ever be done - being an emotionally and physically available, loving, caring, intentional, attentive, nurturing, supportive mom.

When I grow up I hope I'm just like them.

Daydreaming

Here is a blog entry worth reading that my mother passed along to me.

Summer Time

I've been informed that my lack of posting has made some of my readers (or reader, as the case may be) "angry." So, in an attempt to appease the masses - a post.

Since mid-May Chris and I have been on "summer holiday" - of sorts. We are both still working full time and have not taken any major vacations, but, for the first time since we married, Chris has not been in a class. A full 2 months with no evening class!

During the school year I had a pretty set schedule during the week: work 6-3, work out 3:30 - 4:15 M,W,F or go to the chapel T,TH, head home and either clean up and head to 5 o'clock Mass or just start dinner. The day's I went to Mass I would hurry home and whip up a quick dinner before Chris had to rush off to class. They were full days - nice, but full.

But, with the end of the semester and 5 o'clock Mass on campus our afternoons/evenings have stretched out before us with infinite possibilities.

One of our favorite things this summer has been listening to the Cub's games online. Earlier in the season we would sit out on our little deck, listening to Ron Santo and Pat Hughes announce the game. We listen so often that I've gotten pretty attached to them. It is not an uncommon evening for me to crawl into bed around 9pm, Chris strumming his guitar, and Ron and Pat giving the play by play from Wrigley Field. 95% of the time I don't make it to the end of the game, but, if it's a good game, Chris will whisper the final score to me before he turns out the lights.

Another summer-time favorite has been Sunday and Wednesday evening Ultimate Frisbee. During the heat of the summer months we play later in the evening - 7:30ish - under the lights on the Universities Rugby field. Co-ed, fairly competitive and a lot of fun!

In an attempt to stay fit, Chris and I have been swimming laps 2-3 times a week. We each got a pair of goggles and feel very official.

A few highlights from the summer:

Our dear friend Andy came for a visit over Memorial Day weekend. It was so nice to visit with him and hear about his adventures in Kentucky.

Over the 4th of July, in an attempt to "get out into nature" the two of us took an ill-advised walk around the renowned White Lake Rock just east of down town Dallas. I had heard it was a great place to bike, but since our bikes were not in tip-top shape we decided to hoof it. About 20 minutes into our walk we came upon a small map of the lake. It was pretty sizable, but we were both in good spirits and it was still only mid-morning, so we decided to press on and complete the entire circuit. 2.5 hours and 9.3 miles later two very sun-burned individuals collapsed into their little white Honda Civic. I don't know if "fun" is exactly the correct word - but it certainly was an adventure.

In June, Chris took a 1 week trip to Chicago to visit family and friends. Due to limited time off of work I was not able to go with him, but I did have a college friend - Ms. Betsy Maynard - visit for a few days. We ventured over to Fort Worth to see the long-horns one evening and then headed down to Houston for a friend's wedding.

A few weeks after that Chris and I made the 4 hour drive back down to Houston for a long weekend away. It was sort of a late anniversary trip - and it just so happened to be the weekend the Cubs were in town. It was a fabulous weekend! We went to all 3 games, spent a morning swimming in the ocean and driving along the coast and enjoyed a very nice hotel!(take the hotel tour) It was perhaps the highlight of the summer thus far.

The last of a long list of weddings took place at the end of July. Dan and Bethany, dear friends of ours, were married July 26th and moved into the condo directly across from ours.

Chris has been in an intense 5 week summer class since July 14th on Acts and the letters of Paul. He's been enjoying the class - and working so very hard! It's been a lot of fun gleaning all the knowledge he is receiving and talking with him about it. The class wraps up this week and then we'll have a little over 2 weeks before the fall classes start. During that time we are taking a quick trip up to Wisconsin to visit my family and help my parents get the farm ready to sell - a much anticipated visit!

I hope this satisfies the craving for a post - but I WILL try to post more frequently.

Cheers!

Rivendell, The Farm and Heaven

Farewell we call to hearth and hall!
Though wind may blow and rain may fall,
We must away ere the break of day
Far over wood and mountain tall.

To Rivendell, where Elves yet dwell
In glades beneath the misty fell,
Through moor and waste we ride in haste,
And wither then we cannot tell.

With foes ahead, behind us dread,
Beneath the sky shall be our bed,
Until at last our toil be passed,
Our journey done, our errand sped.

We must away! We must away!
We ride before the break of day!

In my musings about the Farm my thoughts have wandered to this poem. Perhaps the poem comes to mind because my dear child-hood friend, who also experienced the magic of the farm, described it as "the last homely house," a term used for Rivendell; A haven of rest on one's journey. Of course, one is tempted to think that a person's childhood home (if it is a good home) will always conjure up nostalgic feelings. But the Farm really is different. It's not just us kids that talk about the farm like that; our friends do too. And even more telling, our parents and their friends do too. It's a safe place; a happy place; a place of quiet and rest; a place of activity and work; a place of gathering, sharing, coming together. Sam captures it when he says:

"... we've been far and seen a deal, and yet I don't think we've found a better place than this. There's something of everything here, if you understand me: the Shire and the Golden Wood and Gondor and kings' houses and inns and meadows and mountains all mixed."

Though Rivendell is a haven of rest, the poem is actually about journeying - We must away! We must away! But the two go hand in hand. There is no homecoming without a journey; And a journey without a home to come to is actually being lost.

Now in all of these musings about saying goodbye to the Farm and recalling the happy memories and the part it's played in my life, the transience of earthly life has come to the foreground. All things pass away . . . except Love. "Now these three remain; Faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." Even though all passes around us - our loved ones, our homes, our health, our belongings - One remains ever constant. And this One, who is Love, is our home. Our sojourn on earth, our journey, ends at "The Last Homely House."

With foes ahead, behind us dread,
Beneath the sky shall be our bed,
Until at last our toil be passed,
Our journey done, our errand sped.

To Rivendell . . .

Scissor-tailed Flycatcher

Another very interesting bird we've spotted. Not only is it a very unique looking bird, but it's flying habits are very distinctive. According to a website on the bird, it "captures most prey by aerial hawking" - which means it sits on a fence, pole or tree branch and when it sees a bug it will make a great swoop up into the air and then down, down, down towards the ground and snatch the unsuspecting bug right out of thin air. If it needs to, the Flycatcher can hover - quite an amazing site to see such a large bird hovering!

At the request of my readers: The Texas Mockingbird

The Critters of Dallas

Though Texas isn't exactly known for it's wild life, we here in Dallas do occasionally see a critter or two. Nothing too exciting, but it helps us remember that the whole world isn't covered in endless urban sprawl. (As an aside, the last time I left the "Metroplex" was in March, when I went home for a week long visit; and since we've moved down to Texas, one year ago, we've taken 2 trips out of the Dallas/Fort Worth area - one to Austin and San Antonia, the other to Fort Scott KS) (As a second aside, the term "Metroplex" is actually how Texans refer to the monstrosity that is Dallas/Fort Worth and it is 100% fitting.) (As a third and final aside, I really am a country girl at heart. I'm pretty certain there isn't a city in the whole country that I would really love living in - though most would be better than Dallas)

The wildlife we see the most of is birds. 2 roadrunners since we've been here - for a brief moment before they scooted into the underbrush. Cliff swallows under the nearby bridges - reminding me of the barn swallows from back home, chattering as the swoop and dive. A few pair of house finches at our feeder along with an array for sparrows. There is a very large breed of black bird that is all pervasive - we have 4 nests in the large tree outside our condo - and a smaller starling like bird that "grazes" on the ground - literally they walk through the grass nibbling and pecking. A pair of morning doves occasionally ventures onto our patio to eat the seed scattered by the finches. Finally, in the bird realm, there is a beautiful grey-brown flicker-type bird, with distinctive white lines on it's wings and beautiful song. Up until a few weeks ago I didn't know what kind of bird it was - but we saw them all over the place. Come to find out it is the Texas state bird - the mocking bird. I have to admit, in a way Texas captivated me - the mocking bird was almost Romantic and I found myself on the lookout for the graceful fliers every time I stepped out of doors. And of course their song is lovely - never predictable, ever changing, but always a beautiful array of trills, chirps, twitters and occasionally machine like sounds. They sometimes sing long into the night and quite often I hear them as I walk out to my car at 5:30 in the morning on my way to work.

As far as other critters, here is the run down.

Rabbits - everywhere on UD's campus. Cute little hoppers out in the early morning or late evening shadows. (An interesting story: when Chris and I first moved down last summer we were out for a walk close to UD's baseball field. As we got closer to one of the batting cages we noticed a little bunny suck in the nets. It was so sad seeing the little critter jumping and flipping all tangled in the net. So Chris and I set it free)

Last week on my way to work I saw a skunk. (You know you're desperate for the country when a skunk sighting is exciting!) The little stinkers have actually caused a lot of problems at the University and Cicstercian monastery.

We've had a few Possum sightings as well.

Of course, for those of you who have visited Chris's blog you'll have seen our most recent run in with a new Texan critter - the Nutria.

The little wall lizards have reappeared. Every evening pale, black eyed lizards creep out of the siding and cling to the outside of our condo. To be honest, I think they are kind of cute.

Unfortunately an overview of the Texas critters we've encountered has to include the ever present roach. Ugly, disgusting, gross - enough said.

Still no armadillos! I really want to see one before I leave the area - though it may require getting out of the Metroplex.

1 year (2 weeks late)

1 wonderful year with Chris. It has had it's ups and downs; but on the whole it's been quite wonderful. In fact, it's been surprising to me how great it's been. I had very set expectations that it would be one of the more difficult years of our marriage - with all the different things to adjust to and just figuring out how to "do" marriage. Not just a new roommate - but a new "life-mate" a new job, a new house, new friends - figuring out how to make a home together, how to run a household together, how to do life together, how to communicate well, how to love each other well, how to grow together (spiritually and relationally), how to coordinate and balance preferences, desires, schedules, expectations, etc, etc, etc. Big adjustments and big things to learn.

But, year 1 was not only vastly different than my expectations, it was surprising. Surprising how smoothly the transition into all the new aspects of life has gone; surprising how few disagreements we've had; surprising how down right easy this year has been. (Perhaps this has to do with the incredibly easy nature of my husband who is so quick to let go of his own desires and humor mine). The most surprising thing is how much more "in love" with Chris I feel each day. I miss him when we are apart for the day, can't wait to see him at the end of the work day, and delight in seeing him walk through the door. I thought all the "in-loveness" happened before you got married, and then, when you have to live with the person day in and day out - dealing with all their annoying habits and you're own disappointment that marriage isn't all you thought it would be - it starts to wear off. But that has not been the case for me. Of course, I've had my disappointments, and Chris may have 1 or 2 small habits that I have a hard time dealing with :) - but the "in loveness" has stormed me by surprise.

On the flip-side, we've certainly had to learn what it really means to "love the other as yourself" - the daily laying down of your own desires, preferring the other, the work of really knowing the other, choosing him and actively working for his good. In other words, we are learning how two become one flesh.

I am extremely thankfully for my wonderful husband and this year together.

The Church Calendar

The Church Calendar is really a wonderful thing. With each passing year it makes more sense and becomes more ingrained in me. It's one of those subtle yet all important things in life - one that influences basic assumptions and guides the year without ever making itself known.

Since Chris and I have been trying to go to daily Mass regularly, the progression of the Church year has become much more evident to me. I find myself drawn into the season, and then expecting the next season. For example, when, for several weeks, you hear Christ repeatedly telling his disciples that he will be leaving and going to the Father, and that he will send the Advocate, you can't but help anticipating Assumption Sunday and the celebration of Pentecost the following Sunday.

At first, the Church calendar didn't make much sense to me; in fact, it felt "off," lop-sided or top-heavy if you will. But last Saturday we heard a short homily explaining the basic structure of the calendar - and it all came together. (The homily was given by a 90-something year old Dominican who has obviously absorbed the Church seasons into his very being)

A basic outline:

Advent - anticipation of the Incarnate Lord

Christmas - the celebration of the Incarnate Lord (The Christmas season lasts for several days after December 25th)

Lent - 40 days of preparation for walking with the Lord through his suffering and death

Triduum - Treading the Paschal mystery with our Lord

Easter - a celebration of Christ's victory over death. The Easter season runs from Easter Sunday to the celebration of Pentecost, 50 days later. (One very small aspect of the Easter season I really like is the continual burning of the Easter Candle. It is lit at midnight of Easter Sunday, and burns throughout the 50 days of Easter - celebrating Christ as the Light of the world) Towards the end of the Easter season the scripture readings and prayers focus around Christs assumption and the coming of the Holy Spirit.

"Ordinary Time" - the long stretch between Pentecost and the beginning of Advent. Many days celebrating the saints are commemorated during this time. The last Sunday in ordinary time is the "Feast of Christ the King" - celebrating Christ's kingly authority as well as looking forward to his Second coming.

So what didn't make sense to me was why the two big seasons (Advent/Christmas and Lent/Easter) were clumped together, leaving this big long stretch of "Ordinary time" where not a whole lot really happened.

Step in ancient priest to explain. . .

The whole of those two seasons is the celebration of God's saving work - Christ's incarnation, life, ministry, passion, resurrection, ascension and the outpouring of the Holy Spirit. At Pentecost the church is born - the Great Commission begins - the Holy Spirit animates the Church (i.e. us!) and the daily, "ordinary" life of the church begins. The celebration of Christ's life on earth gives us courage, hope, grace to follow in the footsteps of the saints, and march under Christ's banner. We set forth, holding close the memory of the Incarnation and Passion, breathing in the Spirit, and celebrating those great men and women who have gone before us - setting the example and showing us how to sanctify our daily life, making it holy, pleasing and acceptable to God. And it is capped off by celebrating Christ the King - directing our eyes to heaven.

So, when it's all said and done, the Church calendar makes a lot of sense and it helps us celebrate and live out our faith.

(A long article from New Advent on the Calendar - if anyone is interested)